This Excellent Machine by Stephen Orr

Author:Stephen Orr
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: book, FA, FIC043000
ISBN: 9781743056523
Publisher: Wakefield Press
Published: 2020-03-31T16:00:00+00:00

That’s how they’d start off, anyway. Then there’d be issues over barking dogs, and Chris would call the council, and they’d send someone around, and it’d get worse.

‘Mrs Masharin reckons you should write about what you know.’

‘Well, that’s easy, you know us. There’s nothin’ you could say that’d upset us.’

You and yer dogs, Mrs Douglas. Keep me up all night.

I keep them inside. You’re determined to make trouble.

‘I can think of plenty to put in,’ Val said, sitting forward. ‘Remember that sports day, when David and Peter came along?’

I could. Father and son day. Pop had promised to come, but had fallen sick (not that it’d stopped him working in the shed). So, Mum’d asked the brothers, and they’d agreed. They’d walked me to school, and signed up for the 200 metres and longest kick. David wasn’t so bad, but when Peter joined the other dads for the shot-put … Business shorts and long socks and sandals, an early Catweazle beard that had already yellowed around the mouth from the smokes. As I called, Carn, Peter.

And Trevor Smith: Why d’you call your dad Peter?

He’s my neighbour.

Funny sort of neighbour. Looks like he’s been smoking something.

He’d come last, of course, because all the other dads had beefsteak legs and thunder thighs and wore shorts way too small. But as we walked home I said, Thanks for taking me.

No worries, Clem. Any time. Me and Dave know what it’s like.

‘So you gonna put that in?’ Val asked.

‘Don’t know yet.’

‘Main thing is, have a bita yer mum, and Pop. They did most for you. What’s it called?’

‘This Excellent Machine.’

‘Right. What’s the machine?’

‘You know, you go in one end and come out the other … different.’

‘That’s for sure.’ She pointed to a black-and-white photo of a young woman and man. ‘Me and Sid, many years ago. You wouldn’t recognise me now, eh?’

‘I can still see you.’

‘And David, there.’ She indicated a boy with a dangerous grin. ‘Main thing is, don’t put him in it.’ Pointing to number 35. ‘He’s a horror. Woulda been good livin’ here, if not for him.’

Providence was almost snoring.

She gathered her nightie in her lap and said, ‘Coupla cats never hurt no one. What sorta person woulda dobbed me in? What d’you reckon, Clem?’

‘Maybe it wasn’t Ernie?’

She waited, unsure.

‘Pop isn’t always sure what he’s doing.’

‘Doug?’

‘I mean, he can’t drive. He just about killed this kid on a bike the other day. And half of what he says doesn’t make sense.’

‘Doug?’

‘You can’t get angry with him, Val.’

‘Jesus, but I told Ernie …’

I’d put that in, too. Chris Knowlson in his yard calling, I don’t know what you’re on about, Annie.

You know.

Check yer facts.

‘I’m sure he wasn’t thinking,’ I said. But she must’ve been remembering the hundreds of times she’d looked after us, the bowls of sugar and bags of mandarins.

‘I must talk to Ernie, and say sorry.’

‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘No, it’s all good, Clem.’

The front door, and steps in the hallway. Peter came in wearing his council chamber best, his 1969 special.

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